So, okay, here’s the thing. Wes Brown, the ex-defender guy from Manchester United (you know, back in the day), is, like, totally convinced that scoring goals is everything. I mean, duh, right? Goals make the magic happen and all that jazz. Anyway, he says getting a new striker is basically top of the list for the summer transfer stuff. And I guess he’s got a point, ‘cause United’s current scoring stats are, uh, let’s just say not so hot. Only 38 goals in 32 games? Yikes.
Anyway, yesterday’s flop against Newcastle apparently makes this United squad the worst team in Premier League history. That’s something that keeps them tossing and turning at night for sure. With only 11 more goals to avoid breaking the record for the fewest goals in a season (thank you, 2015/16 season) I guess it’s not looking good.
So, where was I… oh yeah, the need for goals. It seems kinda obvious why everyone’s been buzzing over finding some fresh forward faces. They’ve been eyeing Ipswich Town’s Liam Delap and Wolverhampton Wanderers’ Matheus Cunha. Trying to shake things up, I suppose.
And speaking of strikers… So, Brown gave this interview with The Peoples Person — random side note it was through some hookup with AOS, whatever that means. And while chatting, he stressed “experience.” Like, capital E experience. He keeps harping on about how we need that one big-name, numero uno spot filled. But guess what? He surprisingly bats for our under-fire fella, Rasmus Hojlund, even though the fans aren’t exactly sending him bouquets.
I mean, I have to say, Brown seemed all mushy about Hojlund, saying he “loves” him and all that, but c’mon, even the biggest fans have to admit the 22-year-old’s been kinda average at best. But, according to Brown, some older, wiser head in the squad might just perk Hojlund up rather than clip his wings.
Think about it. United’s always had big hitters — and not to throw Wayne Rooney into the mix, but yeah, except maybe him, because he was, you know, Rooney. But, off-beat thought, even young Rooney had support.
And, oh, there’s Joshua Zirkzee, who, according to Brown, is a whole different vibe. Sort of like a “not really there” when it comes to slamming in goals with Hojlund. Zirkzee’s game is more about skirting around the box, doing his thing, which I guess doesn’t help much if you’re counting on him to rack up scores.
Now Delap — he’s been flagged as the one to watch out for United. Why? I reckon budget constraints pushed them towards him instead of splurging on vets like Victor Osimhen or Viktor Gyokeres.
By the way, Osimhen’s been lurking at Galatasaray on loan. And once he’s back strutting at Napoli, there’s talk of a jaw-dropping £60 million release clause — don’t even get me started on his wages. Just not in United’s vibe, financially speaking.
Gyokeres, who seems to click with Amorim (United’s current boss-y figure), could be heading somewhere fancy for Champions League action, within another price tag excess of—yep, you guessed it — £60 million plus all the fancy frills.
Meanwhile, Delap is banging them under less stress and more modest conditions at Portman Road, despite the whole struggle bus thing Ipswich is on. But sell by summer? If the Tractor Boys hit the road to relegation, there’s a neat £30 million clause for his exit.
Okay, going off on a tangent. Rashford! You remember he’s out there enjoying himself at Aston Villa? He’s technically still United’s man on paper. But who knows what the summer shuffle might bring? Brown hints at a maybe permanent departure because, real talk, Rash does a better jig at Villa.
Honestly, scoring’s a real pain point for United right now. Brown even shared he’d whisk Ruud van Nistelrooy from the ghost of United past to drop him into the present squad like some striker genie. Because, in the crazy football market of today, goals = gold. And a striker like van Nistelrooy? Forget about it. He’d be, like, beyond price.
So, that’s a wrap. Hope you enjoyed the football brain dump! Oh, credit: Featured image by Alex Livesey via Getty Images. And don’t forget to check out The Peoples Person on Bluesky: @peoplesperson.bsky.social for more football babble.
