Okay, so here’s the absolutely chaotic mess I got for you. Hope it passes the vibe check.
So, where do we even begin with this whole Robert Sanchez fuss? Like, the guy’s been more disappointing than a Monday morning alarm clock. Seriously. Everyone’s wondering — shouting, actually — why does the manager keep popping this guy into the lineup? And, um, did the club not get the memo about signing a shiny new goalkeeper? Just saying.
Honestly, this whole situation feels like trying to understand calculus at 2 a.m. Neurons firing in all directions, zero clue what’s happening. Oh, by the way, this week Sanchez decided to break records! Not in the cool Usain Bolt way but as the Premier League’s bottom-scraping goalkeeper, according to the stats geeks at FootballFancast. Props to them for doing math so I can sit here with my coffee.
These FootballFancast folks? They’re kind of stats wizards. They ranked all the goalkeepers from the Premier League from “superstar” to “please just stop”. And, not gonna lie, they got solid logic — probably analyzing every save, every blunder. They’ve nailed it down, and David Raya from Arsenal is sitting pretty at number one. Meanwhile, Matz Sels from Nottingham Forest gets the silver medal. Even Kepa Arrizabalaga, who’s somewhere floating around on a Chelsea loan at Bournemouth, managed a spot at number seven. Go figure.
But cue the drumroll of doom — because you gotta scroll all the way down (no seriously, keep going) to find dear ol’ Robert Sanchez lounging at position number 20. Talk about a plot twist we all saw coming.
In the enthralling words of the publication (and uh, put on your snagging gloves): “A player like Robert Sanchez shouldn’t even dream about being Chelsea’s main guy. But here we are. Amid all these lavish buys of goalkeepers, Sanchez is bungling through with more fumbles than a toddler with a ceramic vase.” It’s almost poetic, right?
They’re dunking on him hard—listing out all the errors, disastrous moments, and catastrophic matches that have got everyone scratching their heads. And while qualifying for the Champions League’s supposed to be a thing, Sanchez seems to be playing for the wrong league at this point.
For your viewing pleasure, here’s the list of champions to, well, not-so champions:
1. David Raya
2. Matz Sels
3. Alisson
4. Emi Martinez
5. Jordan Pickford
6. Bernd Leno
7. Kepa Arrizabalaga
8. Ederson
9. Mark Flekken
10. Mads Hermansen
11. Dean Henderson
12. Nick Pope
13. Bart Verbruggen
14. Guglielmo Vicario
15. Alphonse Areola
16. Aaron Ramsdale
17. Andre Onana
18. Jose Sa
19. Arijanet Muric
20. Robert Sanchez
Like, maybe this whole deal is kinda cruel? Or nah? Probably trying to spare some blushes here, but not sure Sanchez is feeling particularly rosy at the moment. Honestly, being ranked below Andre Onana… that stings.
And, oh, just a random sidebar before I forget — if you ever thought of popping by Talk Chelsea, hit up the feature box or something. They’d probably love the company.
